An Open Letter to the MTA

Dear MTA:

1. The 14th street station is NOT a transfer point between the 1-2-3 trains and the F-V trains. It takes about 20 minutes the schlep from one track to the other. Stop lying MTA. It is an easier and quicker to walk above ground, cross the avenue, and enter at the opposite entrance.

2. All A trains are not made equal. One goes to Far Rockaway. The other to Lefferts. And Lefferts is the same as Ozone Park. And sometimes it just goes to Rockaway Park. Only the Far Rock and Rockaway Park trains go to JFK. Having fun yet?

3. The express train never waits for people to transfer from the local train before it leaves. And I'm always on the local train, looking homeless and pathetic when the express leaves.

4. I never believe the asshole conductor when he/she says "This train is out of service. The train across the platform will leave first. " I switch trains, and that asshole in the train is WAS IN before hits me with the "standclearclosingdoors" and leaves before me.

5. New Commandments: #11 People shall audition before being allowed to perform either in the station or on the trains. #12 Parents of all children tapdancing and flipping on the train shall be put in jail. #13 Anyone caught banging the bottom of garbage cans and calling it music shall be arrested.

6. Anyone in the train station with a "help the homeless" sign that is typed and printed on stock or resume paper deserves to get kicked in the head.

7. Stop with the "No tokens" on the turnstyle. Nobody has used tokens since 1946.

8. There shouldn't be an electronics store inside Times Square station. When was the last time you were switching trains, and just then realized you needed headphones or the Michael Jackson commemorative video set?

8a. Ditch electronics store but keep televisions with boxing and kung fu movies. That's 10 seconds of entertainment I wouldn't otherwise enjoy.

9. Rename the 63rd and Lex station "Hell". It's 5 million feet underground and you have the nerve to have steps in the station. And I'm tired of The Devil disabling the escalator, and then trading souls for an elevator ride to street level. I've run out of souls to give up. Next time he's gonna remember me.

Truth Hurts